Literary Lesbians

The usual suspects attended this month's book group, and a couple of new faces joined in the fun. Sal, Amanda, Lynnie, Ange, Sam, Kat, Jude, Jessica and Bridge were there. Not everyone had read the book, but who cares, attending our meetings is like reading the best bits without the effort. Sometimes they even get acted out for you (see below).

Kat entertained us by sharing with us her recent experiences at pole dancing classes, and we sympathised with her dad's difficulty in comprehending that she was attending both a lesbian book group AND pole dancing classes - two apparently diametrically opposed activities. Hey, she's an enigma, our Kat! Jude was seriously impressed. Kat explained that she had really sore thighs, and Jessica wanted to know whether that was because of pole dancing or something else. Sniggers all round. Next reading group will be at a venue with a pole, so Kat can show us her skills. Sam remembered that her mother had one of those poles with plant holders hanging off it...weird...!

Kat wanted to know why all the women in the books we have been reading have weird or androgynous names. Sam pointed out that in Hunters Way, one of the main characters was called Sam, and that wasn't weird. Although she admitted it was potentially androgynous. Ange pointed out that in the book, the character insisted on being called "Samantha" although Tori always called her Sam anyway. Lynnie (rather disdainfully) observed that "Tori changed all the rules."

Yes, you guessed it, Lynnie wasn't a big fan of the book. Everyone else was just so thrilled that there were decent lesbian sex scenes that they weren't going to let the lack of a plot, bad writing and dreadful stereotypes get in the way of their pleasure! Kat, our resident sexpert, was pretty happy with the sex scenes. Ange said that you "could tell that the book was actually written by a lesbian"! Phew! What a relief!

Sam has been travelling a lot lately, and found the book a great consolation while she was away from her girl.

Ange and Kat had a bit of trouble reading the scenes in public places. Ange was squirming on the tram. Kat was so caught up in the juicy bits while she was at the airport waiting for her girl to arrive from overseas, that she didn't even see her get off the plane. Worse, as her long-distance girlfriend approached for a passionate reunion, Kat greeted her with a wave of the hand and the instruction "Wait a sec, I just have to finish this bit of the book"! Lynnie demonstrated how she had had to re-enact the shower sex scene as, on first reading, she just couldn't figure out how it was actually working with the various body parts in seemingly unreachable places. All in the name of research, of course!

Bridge pointed out that the shower scene had no loofas, but definitely soap. Lynnie clarified: "There was no soap-on-a-rope though"!

Jessica came up with the sterling idea that we should list the page numbers of the best sex scenes from each book on the website. Once I find them again, and can concentrate on identifying the page numbers, I promise to list them.

Lynnie cracked up at the fact that the characters had to go to lesbo bars to solve crimes. In particular, she laughed at the fact that the out lesbian had to take the straight girl to the lesbian bars (visualise Lynnie humping Ange here) "oh hello, we're just working"!!! Ange, after getting her breath back, also cracks up at the fact that the straight girl, realising that she is about to go to a lesbian bar for the first time, decides......NOT TO WEAR A BRA!!!!! As you do.

Kat notes that Samantha becomes more butch as the book goes on. Sam agrees with Kat, and points out that she is surprised that Kat hasn't cut her hair short yet. Kat explains that she can't, as pole dancers need to be able to do the "flick" (visualise Kat flicking long blonde hair pole-dancer style here).

Jude didn't like the fact that both women were stereotypical "trauma survivors". Kat says that she was shocked by the rape scene and didn't understand what it brought to the story. We all agree that it was shocking, and also the fact that Tori and Samantha had sex so soon after it. Kat's words: "I mean, you've just been fucked violently by 4 men!" Lynnie thought that the rape scene wasn't contextual (Jude: like the baby that died in the last book) and also that it was a bad attempt to demonstrate that women don't need / are not affected by men. Bridge wondered if the publisher asked to have the rape scene included. Ange thought the scene was to emphasise that Tori was not there to look after Samantha. Kat groaned again about the whole butch/femme dichotomy. Jude also noted that Samantha didn't have a very butch boyfriend at the start of the book. Lynnie was angst-ridden about the fact that Samantha said something to Tori along the lines of "you can love again...". Lynnie said this line made her laugh out loud, wet her pants. Sam pointed out not the kind of wet your pants we are looking for. Everyone agreed that the book's biggest failing was that there were no scenes involving handcuffs. I mean, seriously, lesbian cops and no handcuffs??

Bridge asks what everyone thought of the punctuation and grammar in the book. Lynnie nearly bursts out of her chair to point out one glaring error that she had identified. Everyone laughs. Amanda reminds us that librarians are the profession most asked out on dates while they are at work.

Lynnie is annoyed that at least two of the chapters (20 and 26) start out almost exactly the same way. Samantha is sitting waiting for Amy, who is late. Lynnie is also annoyed that there are about 360 pages of Tori and Samantha ordering pizza and takeout. Kat thinks that this minor criticism was more than compensated for by the fact that the two women worked a lot of that off in other parts of the book!

Kat, Jessica and Jude read out one of the sex scenes. Kat narrates, Jessica reads Tori's role (which largely involves long deep and meaningful butch silences, Lynnie explains "you're the butch one, you don't have to do anything!") and Jude gives an all out logie award winning performance including sighs, moans and gasps. Ange asks whether that is a gun in her pocket. Jessica cracks us all up when she asks in the middle of the sex scene "sorry, what page are we on?" Kat tells her, it's 269. Jessica asks whether we can start off gently with just one 69, and not the whole hog. Bridge reminds us that the women are pigs (cops) after all. The theme continues with one of the characters "suckling" the other. Kat gets shy in the middle of the reading and asks if someone else can take over. Jessica says she doesn't mind swapping partners in the middle. Kat reassures her "I'm cool with it being the three of us". Jude 'hisses' one of her lines as instructed. Jessica quickly quips "oh great, girlfriend with parsel tongue"! The reading stops suddenly. There is a silence as everyone recomposes themselves. Ange asks "Is it over?" Everyone cracks up. Lynnie leaps up out of her chair and announces "Great, I'm going to have a cigarette then"!

Discussion follows about symbolism in old movies to indicate sex (e.g. characters having cigarette, train going into tunnel). We try to think about equivalent symbolism for lesbian sex. Ideas include:

We decided that book group needed to branch out, and we wondered about an excursion (perhaps reviewing lesbian travel books by visiting the places mentioned and seeing if they lived up to the book)....Lynnie pointed out that the obvious first choice was to go to the States to see Missy Higgins supporting the Indigo Girls in concert. Yes, it's true!

Oh, and Jessica contributed a few last minute comments on last month's competition to come up with an excuse for Kira next time she was detained at customs for having obscene material in her luggage. Jessica wasn't quite sure why Kira had been detained and assumed it was because she was carrying a weapon of mass orgasms. She and Sal also came up with the idea of explaining the straps as a guide dog harness, and the dildo as a guide dog prophylactic. Foolproof.

Kat wants to know if anyone reading the blog has been to Girlfest, and if so, what was it like? I mean, how bad can it be, a bunch of lesbians in the pool of a posh resort?

Thanks all for another entertaining and educative evening!